I find myself standing on the edge, I enjoy the thrill of dipping my toe into the waters of the unknown: Sharing the edge with many others who I believe to be standing in the Light, and knowing the Light is streaming loving consciousness, I stand tall and free. It had been some time since I had felt connected with a community. Enjoying the wondrous moment, I sense nothing but goodwill. Such days are by Grace indeed, I enjoy the moment, and seize the day as they say, happy to be with a group of people who love the same things as I.
Finding out that those who stood next to me were on a different wavelength didn’t matter; just to stand there on the edge felt desirous, exciting, loving, joyful. Being invited to share in works of service felt like a joy that had been missing.
When they discover I am on a different wavelength to them, well, that was a different story and when the troubles began. They realised I was not of their tribe - my outsiderness was showing - and yet, I had no desire to be anything other than me.
Ignoring them is useless, pointing it out is futile, and pushing it got me pushed. Pushed into the abyss.
Falling to the bottom is humiliating and yet, extremely doable, a fall is just a fall; knowing all along it was not a fall from Grace, I am comforted.
To the bottom, in the dark and dirty mess that has become of ‘me’, I find I am so small, but I can still stand tall.
And further I find, the bottom of the abyss is higher than I have ever been before.
For me that was one huge insight. I can fall to stand tall!
Feeling grateful, for going inside or falling into oneself, are journeys of the soul (and can catch you unawares).
The abyss this time was restorative, a cool embrace, a nurturing cave perhaps. I've had the time to paint, to walk and to smell the roses.
We fall (into Grace), with a greater understanding of the mess, the joyful mess that brings strength and solace and joy.
That dirty mess is food for the soul, grist to the mill, move on into it -
- Rejoice in the falls
- Fall without hesitation
- Stand on the edge without fear
- Look up, the Light is always shining for you
Stand at the bottom and reflect on life in the safety of knowing you can't fall any further. I know it's not always so easy!
It’s not the bottom of life itself, it was just the bottom line of a tribe that didn't 'get' me.
Thankful for having been opened up to what I had missed, I now feel free to move on, to grow in leaps and bounds, because the tribe probably wont, but I am grateful for the time shared.
The journeys of life take us to the edge; the tribes of the world are many and many are wild. They will accept or reject you depending on the whims of a few! Some tribes will suit us and some wont, they might test our mettle, but they are never a measure of inner value.
You are worthy and if you fall, see it is a push to your perfect unfolding.
Like a duck on the edge of the waters, I felt different all along as I joined in, but thought I was accepted. I now know in this duck town, I Am a swan. Thankfully (mercifully) the tribe helped me to see that, and I now move on to where I can swim and fly free.
The ‘push and pull of life’, ‘falling into the abyss’, ‘standing on top of your mountain’ are all expressions of life and learning and they help us to acknowledge/choose the many paths we must take. The last year has been a merry dance; I experienced, I participated, I observed and enjoyed but I was so full I couldn't even write a post.
I did enjoy being a part of a group, I found great joys and it gave interest to my days, but not necessarily further meaning to my life.
I have a strong sense of self; I value the one that I Am. Finding out that I am not one of the tribe hurt, and I fell quickly and swiftly into the abyss.
When I landed I realised and remembered more about myself and even though I miss that tribe dearly, I may not go back.
I do acknowledge, I have benefited from having known them and for having shared their waters for a while.
I could join them on occasion; I understand I'm not a member, and getting that understanding makes the experience of seeing them a little easier. I am a quiet person until I have something to say and I guess quiet was taken to mean I agreed with them. So when I did speak, and it didn't accord with their desires it ruffled feathers; I will always speak my mind, and why not?
The tribe has something that I can enjoy whole'heart'edly, even though I would not now commit myself or join. Joy is mine to experience and wisdom was mine to gain from this group; thankful (and maybe, they learnt a little from me?).
I am not a hero, don't get me wrong; many tribal 'elders' hurt my feelings and had me on a not so merry dance of grief and self questioning. But feelings come and go and I wont let them stop me from enjoying other souls, who are a delight to be with.
Swans and ducks often share the same waters right?
Life is not easy, but it is rewarding if you choose to jump to it or let yourself fall in now and again.
It is no shame to fall.
And so, I begin to write of life once again.
I hope you enjoyed my return to post. Please share your thoughts below in the comments section.
If ever you feel lost or down the abyss and can't find yourself or your way back, find a willing ear to listen to your concerns. Friends are so dear to us at such times.
Lots of love dear friends
xxx WendyJoy xxx
WendyJoy is available by Skype for counselling or coaching, appointments can be arranged, send a personal message here.